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“Russian Bombardment of Ukraine Solely Targeted at Barriers to Peace” - Putin

Russian President Vladimir Putin at a Press Conference During the BRICS Leaders' Summit 2024 in Kazan


Responding to reports that Russia had launched massive drone and air strikes in Ukraines capital Kyiv, targeting civilian residences and destroying the citys energy production and distribution infrastructure, just before the frigid Ukrainian winter reaches its climax, an uncharacteristically jovial Russian President Vladimir Putin dismissed the allegations as “fake news”.


There Has Been Widespread Reporting of the Russian Bombardment of Kyivs Energy Infrastructure and Civilian Residences


Putin stated that “the use of any Russian ammunition in Ukraine has been exclusively confined to the destruction of any physical barriers to peace between the two nations”. Putin further asserted that he had received incontrovertible intelligence reports that established beyond doubt that Ukrainian President Vlodomyr Zelenskyy was, in fact, behind the destruction of civilian residences and energy infrastructure in Kyiv as part of his conspiracy with the outgoing Biden-Harris administration to plunge the world into World War III before Donald Trump gets a chance to facilitate a prompt and peaceful resolution to the war.


Ukrainian President Vlodomyr Zelenskyy Expressed the View That the War Between Ukraine and Russia is Likely to End “Faster” Under the Incoming Trump Administration During an Interview Yesterday


Putin pointed to Zelenskyy’s recent public statement that the war between Russia and Ukraine is likely to get resolved “faster” under a Trump administration to suggest that it was a commonly accepted fact that Trump is the one “chosen” to put an end to the bloody conflict as the great oracle Sarah Huckabee Sanders has prophesied.


Sarah Huckabee Sanders Proclaiming That God Had Guided Thomas Matthew Crooks Bullet Away From Donald Trump, Who He Has Chosen to Carry Out His Plans, and Toward Corey Comperatore, Who Was Utterly Dispensable to Gods Designs During Her Speech at the Republican National Convention


“I mean, how else would you explain it? How is it that Trump turned his head at the precise moment that Crooks’ bullet would have hit it if he hadn’t?” - Putin exclaimed.


Donald Trump Elaborately Described Thomas Matthew Crooks’ Attempt at His Assassination Whilst Accepting the Republican Nomination for Presidency at the Republican National Convention


Putin concluded his comments on the subject by issuing an “earnest plea” to the Ukrainian people to put an end to Zelenskyy’s ghastly massacre of them and their Russian brethren for the sake of his personal enrichment by calling for an immediate unification of the Russian empire.


When asked how the Ukrainians could trust Russia after the recent hostilities, Putin responded - “like the American women trusted Donald Trump in the recent Presidential Election”, while visibly struggling to contain his laughter.

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