“Trump’s Election Is A Sad Reminder That Nothing Gold Can Stay” - Jacinta Allan

Victorian Premier Jacinta Allan Looked Morose At A Recent Press Conference

Addressing the issue of Donald Trump’s triumph in the recent US Presidential Election during a press conference, an uncharacteristically morose Victorian Premier, Jacinta Allan, noted that the event had proven to be a “transformative” experience for her.

Allan stated that the election’s result had defied much of what she had learnt about people and politics from her mentor, the former Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews. Andrews, one of the most prominent and impactful Victorian politicians of all time, is recognised worldwide for scientifically demonstrating the extent to which a purportedly liberal democratic government may exploit the nescience and credulity of its citizenry by capriciously subjecting them to unjustifiably oppressive measures over a prolonged period of time, whilst enriching itself through rampant corruption.

Daniel Andrews Postulated The “Fuck It! Who Else Will They Vote For?” Philosophy Of Governance Based On The Findings Of The Andrews Experiment

The prerequisite conditions for a successful demonstration of the Andrews Experiment are:

1. The citizenry’s acceptance of the existence of a life-threatening calamity from which they must be saved;

   
   

2. The government successfully misrepresenting to the citizenry that it was exclusively driven by an ardent desire to look after their well-being; and

   
   

3. An opposition in disarray, comprised of contemptible people advocating offensive policies.

Victorian Premier Jacinta Allan Is Known For Her Enduring Buoyancy, A Condition Experts Say Is Attributable To Her Adherence To The “Fuck It! Who Else Will They Vote For?” Philosophy Of Governance

“What we are observing here is that a combination of sustained public resentment and distrust of the governing party and the presence of remarkable, even if detestable, characters in the opposition party is capable of changing the dynamic such that the citizenry, realising that its doomed either way, may just kick the governing party out for the sake of the amusement offered by the scamps in the opposition.”

“Hopefully, Pesutto won’t develop a personality for another couple of years and the mental harm we’ve inflicted upon Victorians will have compromised their ability to recall all of our scandals and fiascos in two years”, Allan muttered as she stared into blank space.