US President Joe Biden Will Face Supreme Court Justice and Beer Aficionado Brett Kavanaugh in a Beer Chugging Contest at the White House on November 27, 2024
During a press conference on Friday morning, lame-duck President Joe Biden admitted that the red wave that engulfed the nation on November 5, 2024, has definitively ended his party’s ambitions of legislatively implementing a mandatory code of ethics for justices in the US Supreme Court.
Determined not to let former President Donald Trump fuck America without protection during his second term as President, later that day, a desperate Joe Biden challenged the Supreme Court to put forward a representative to compete with him, one on one, in any activity of their choosing, to settle once and for all the issue of whether the justices should be answerable for their conduct. Less than 15 minutes later, the Court responded to the Biden administration to advise that it had chosen Justice Brett Kavanaugh to compete with Biden in a beer-chugging contest.
In Their Dissent of the Supreme Court’s Decision on Presidential Immunity, the Liberal Judges in the Minority Expressed the View That the Court Had Elevated the President to a King
Given every Washington DC resident’s awareness of the legend of Kavanaugh’s lifelong love of beer, the Court’s response instantly sent fresh shivers down the spine of already disconsolate Democrats.
Justice Brett Kavanaugh Professing His Lifelong Love for Beer During a Hearing Before the Senate Judiciary Committee in September 2018
Besides Kavanaugh’s universally acclaimed beer-drinking prowess, his selection was reportedly driven by his ardent desire to personally inflict a humiliating defeat on the Biden-Harris administration as payback for Vice President Harris (then a Senator) interrogating him so viciously during his nomination process hearings conducted by the Senate Judiciary Committee in September 2018 that it had made Senator Lindsey Graham break down and sob uncontrollably during the proceedings.
Senator Kamala Harris’ Brutal Cross-Examination of Justice Brett Kavanaugh
Graham went on to exclaim that watching Harris and her Democratic colleagues savage Kavanaugh during the hearings was akin to witnessing a gang rape.
Senator Lindsey Graham Playing the Knight in Shining Armour to Justice Brett Kavanaugh’s Scoundrel in Distress
Incensed by how terribly Harris had hurt Graham, Kavanaugh’s ensuing fiery opening statement raised fresh concerns about his temperamental compatibility with being a judge and, more importantly, whether he had been attending the Senate confirmation hearings intoxicated.
Justice Brett Kavanaugh’s Fiery Opening Statement After Witnessing Senator Lindsey Graham Reduced to Tears by Senator Kamala Harris
Following the Court’s response, Biden’s family and friends reportedly joined the White House staff for an intervention session that lasted the rest of the day, trying to impress upon him that facing Kavanaugh in a beer-chugging contest is sure to result in a bigger fiasco than the time he put a fascist misogynistic felon in absolute control of the nation through a ghastly debate performance. Nonetheless, Biden, supremely confident in his Irish heritage, repeatedly emphasised that this time around, even God or Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi could not deter him.
The Democrats’ new dilemma was short-lived, however. Following extensive conferences and debates that lasted through Friday night, on Saturday morning, one of Biden’s aides contrived a stratagem so flawless that it convinced everybody that even Biden couldn’t screw it up. According to sources familiar with the matter, the operation involves Biden spiking Kavanaugh’s drinks with a lethal toxin during their contest. Biden’s assassination of Kavanaugh will be carried out in the confidence that the Court’s recent ruling on Presidential Immunity will ensure that Biden faces no adverse consequences.
For a summary and incisive analysis of the Supreme Court’s decision on Presidential Immunity, delivered on July 1, 2024, please read: A Summary And Analysis Of The US Supreme Court’s Historic Decision On Presidential Immunity
To remove all doubts regarding the applicability of the precedent, the White House has scheduled the contest in the Oval Office during office hours on November 27, 2024. Furthermore, the contest will occur amidst a meeting between Biden and ambassadors from multiple nations visiting the White House to seek clarity on the extent to which Trump is likely to violate their nations’ agreements with the US. Biden’s aides are also creating an elaborate paper trail intended to establish that the lethal toxin used in Kavanaugh’s assassination was, in fact, intended for one of the ambassadors visiting the White House.
Biden’s aides are confident that the manner in which the operation is to be conducted provides an infallible basis to argue that Kavanaugh’s death was the unfortunate consequence of an official Presidential act gone awry.
The Biden administration expects the Supreme Court not to accept Kavanaugh’s death as Biden’s triumph in the contest. However, it will open up an immediate vacancy in the Court and provide the administration with an opportunity to appoint a liberal justice to the Court in its last few months.
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